I was on vacation last week and in the library of the hotel, someone had left a copy of Sherwood Anderson’s collection of short stories, “Winesburg, Ohio”. The thing that got to me was his ability to describe people, and create such a vivid picture, with just a few words. Also, he was so gifted at throwing in some deep thought or philosophy that left me thinking for days. At the end of each short story, he ties the story together so perfectly, and often throws a subtle curve ball, or ends with something profound. Can I please write like that?

Lee, I liked that your piece allowed me to get inside the main character’s head. I think the writing flowed very well and was interesting, so that I wanted to keep reading. I would have liked more events or deeper reflections or examples so that there was more “bite” to the narrative. I wanted more details on some of the things you hinted at. Like your marriage, your questioning of motherhood, etc. Other reflections: I liked how you caught me off guard with the comment about being too drunk in college.  I didn’t connect with the discussion about the grey interior of the car, at least the part about imprinting one’s life on it. Maybe that could be developed? Also, I had a Spanish instructor who was obsessed with Don Quixote, and just hearing him talk about it had a huge impression on me. Can you develop any of that piece–your feelings about teaching this more fully, any other explanation around your love of teaching literature?

I like how your writing style matches the place that you are writing about and what you are expressing. Overall, I got the sense that the cemetery means everything but that it is also insignificant in some ways (referring especially to the last line). Why is this? Can you build this case stronger? Why is the main character at the cemetery? Also, would it be possible to introduce the family of the main character earlier in the story? When you describe the other people who attend the cemetery, is there a way to describe them beyond their outfits/what they are wearing, to give an even stronger sense of them? Finally, a minor note about  the second sentence in the story…I didn’t understand what you meant by: “in most cases for the last time.“

I love the feel of your piece and how you give us a sense of this special neighborhood. I would like to know more about why it is special. You provide the reader with much information, from Habeeb’s clothing style to how you read comics behind a couch as a child. Maybe you could go even slower and minimize the things you bring up, so that you have space to further develop some of the specific stories within your story. The relationship with your step mother, for example, or the church. Could you also give an even stronger feel for this neighborhood somehow? More details on the buildings, the people, etc.? Could you add some dialogue? Also: Is this to be a short story, a novel? Are you introducing the setting and characters for a longer piece? If it is for a longer piece, one option is to move more slowly through the descriptions of things; in doing so you might create more momentum.