CynthiaJimes

I was on vacation last week and in the library of the hotel, someone had left a copy of Sherwood Anderson’s collection of short stories, “Winesburg, Ohio”. The thing that got to me was his ability to describe people, and create such a vivid picture, with just a few words. Also, he was so gifted at throwing in some deep thought or philosophy that left me thinking for days. At the end of each short story, he ties the story together so perfectly, and often throws a subtle curve ball, or ends with something profound. Can I please write like that?

Lee, I liked that your piece allowed me to get inside the main character’s head. I think the writing flowed very well and was interesting, so that I wanted to keep reading. I would have liked more events or deeper reflections or examples so that there was more “bite” to the narrative. I wanted more details on some of the things you hinted at. Like your marriage, your questioning of motherhood, etc. Other reflections: I liked how you caught me off guard with the comment about being too drunk in college.  I didn’t connect with the discussion about the grey interior of the car, at least the part about imprinting one’s life on it. Maybe that could be developed? Also, I had a Spanish instructor who was obsessed with Don Quixote, and just hearing him talk about it had a huge impression on me. Can you develop any of that piece–your feelings about teaching this more fully, any other explanation around your love of teaching literature?

I like how your writing style matches the place that you are writing about and what you are expressing. Overall, I got the sense that the cemetery means everything but that it is also insignificant in some ways (referring especially to the last line). Why is this? Can you build this case stronger? Why is the main character at the cemetery? Also, would it be possible to introduce the family of the main character earlier in the story? When you describe the other people who attend the cemetery, is there a way to describe them beyond their outfits/what they are wearing, to give an even stronger sense of them? Finally, a minor note about  the second sentence in the story…I didn’t understand what you meant by: “in most cases for the last time.“

I love the feel of your piece and how you give us a sense of this special neighborhood. I would like to know more about why it is special. You provide the reader with much information, from Habeeb’s clothing style to how you read comics behind a couch as a child. Maybe you could go even slower and minimize the things you bring up, so that you have space to further develop some of the specific stories within your story. The relationship with your step mother, for example, or the church. Could you also give an even stronger feel for this neighborhood somehow? More details on the buildings, the people, etc.? Could you add some dialogue? Also: Is this to be a short story, a novel? Are you introducing the setting and characters for a longer piece? If it is for a longer piece, one option is to move more slowly through the descriptions of things; in doing so you might create more momentum.

I have a few struggles. One is that I don’t like the feeling I am creating with my writing. I have authors I respect. Their writing is usually compact and mature. Mine feels breezy and immature. Otherwise, I relate to what Farber says about getting to the meat of the story, and really feeling the heart of it. I am not there yet and wonder how I will get there. I still haven’t developed my story line. Do I need to know the ending before I start?

I have characters, and want to base my story around them. So I’ve taken my place of observation and transplanted my real life characters there. I’ve also integrated them into people I’ve met/overheard in the park.

Your writing is compact and each sentence is packed full of meaning. I like that. In some places, however, I had to re-read sentences to understand what I thought you were trying to say. An example of a sentence that I had difficulty with was:

I may have touched upon his moment-by-moment attitude toward life in an envious state of needing a balance for my own conscientious need for planning ahead 

I can see that there is some deeper level of a story beginning to bubble up in your narrative, but I am not sure what it will be. My guess is that it will be true and real and not superficial. I’d love to see you integrate the complexity and richness of the South African history and culture into your story. I’d also love to know more about the main character’s past (i.e., your past), your previous marriage, why you were averse to marrying again, and why you did end up marrying again.

Each paragraph in the narrative brings up new thoughts/threads that could be explored further. Overall, I left the story with a sense of something meaningful that captured my attention, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Maybe it is speaking to a need to expand some of your thoughts further, and build on the interesting things that you bring up.

I liked his comment about 3rd person, and how boundaries give us the structure we need to be creative. (Or something like that.) A hurdle for me in writing is that it has felt too wide open, and I’ve needed some imposed rules to allow me to open up. 

The definition of create non-fiction left me wondering how much room, if any, is left for embellishment. I’m thinking about how all true stories can be seen as an interpretation, so in telling my truth, can I also change some details if I wish? Or is that cheating…

I’m a social scientist and I spend much of my time researching and writing about issues in education. But what I’d like to do some days is just sit and write about my maudlin mother. I jot down snippets from her life in a small purple notebook I have. I also collect conversations by people sitting next to me on a plane or elsewhere. I prefer conversations and interactions to details about settings and things, and look forward to piecing together the parts of my purple notebook into a narrative.