Cynthia,

This is great. There’s so much more here than the last week, and I like how you took the first two pages and altered them and continued from there. One thing—I wouldn’t start with L’s POV as this is obviously Michelle’s narrative. You throw off the reader in the first couple paragraphs, and L is much more interesting from Michelle’s perspective anyway. Wasn’t she sitting on a bench two weeks ago observing L?

And does Michelle ever find out who L is talking about when she speaks of “fire under her belly”? If not, it seems like something she should find out… Also, I’d like to know if Michelle got her vanilla vodka on the rocks.

For subsequent drafts: it seems that the narrative is now launching into an exploration of the mother. Using L. as a comparison, how does the mother live up? L. is pretty fantastic; can we get more of a hint how Michelle feels about her? So far, it seems she is observing, amused, and I’m not sure how they met (randomly in the park?) Who approached who first? How long have they been friends? What role does L play; what role will L play in Michelle’s life?

My in-line comments: Jimes P2P Course Assmt 2 – JP comments.

Lee,

This second week’s narrative was much more concrete. I liked the opening reference to the temperature of the car and the background noise (podcast) that prevails throughout the car ride. I can see the dilemma she has on her hands–on the one hand loving her job and loving her family, but struggling to transfer happiness/passion from one to the other. It isn’t so clear-cut as that she is a better teacher than mother, or vice versa, but it is clear that she has doubts in both areas. I liked the relegation of each kid to a state, a place, almost as if she needs to compartmentalize her life even more. I think the line of thought to trace in subsequent drafts is the “She’s still not so sure about being a mother.” It would be worthwhile exploring this, why she does not doubt her happiness in any other role in her life. What is it about being a mother that is so wholly different?  You might try drawing a parallel between her trying to teach her students to fish and her trying to teach her children to fish… Why “She thinks the kids are thriving in spite of her, not because of her” ? In addition, she thinks so much of Don Quixote–what scenes from that novel can we interpret and insert here–can she use as metaphor, to draw out her feelings of motherhood, teacherhood, wifehood? I think there’s a lot here that you don’t have to even plumb that deep for. I would suggest expanding, expanding, expanding in the next iteration of this.

Comments in-line here: Lee Week Two – JP comments.

Hi everyone,

Welcome to Week 4 of the course! You have two more weeks after this, which will be devoted to revising your two drafts from Week 1 and Week 2/3. Week 4, however, will be devoted to critiques of your work.

Things TO DO for this week. Note: Your new small groups are noted below!

1. Please read through your small group’s manuscripts from Week 2/3 and critique them on your blog. This includes general response and in-line comments, like before.
2. Read through blog posts from last week, and be sure to comment on at least your small group’s.
3. Then coordinate a real time meeting, either via Skype conference call or online chat. I will email the groups separately again so you have each other’s contact information. (Again, if this proves too difficult to coordinate, emailing with questions about one another’s critiques is okay. You can also comment on each other’s posts.)
4. In your small group meeting, discuss each other’s work and the discussion questions, listed on Week 4.
5. Respond to the meeting and discussion questions in your blog.

Critiques and blog posts are due by the end of the day Tuesday, October 6.

I will connect the new small groups in separate emails:

Group 1: Cynthia, Nicola, Bob

Group 2: Dineh, Lee, Susan

Group 3: Dominique, John, Aileen