Open Creative Non-Fiction Writing

Hey Bob,

This second version has a very different tone, rythmn, and style than the previous. I’m not sure how I feel about it; it’s definitely cleaner, and I like the opening. I like that it’s more humorous, at the same time I miss the nostagia of the last one. You still have some of it here, but it gets lost in the sardonic present after the Kodak camera. At the same time, I love the personality that is imbued by present day Bob, who plays multiple roles in this piece (8 year old, uncle, son, etc.). I wonder if you can reconcile the two versions? Keep the fluidity of the first draft, but imbue it with this new present-day personality when you revisit the present.

At this point the scene with the niece seems  extraneous—I don’t think it has to be if she brings something new to the table. What is her vision of the place? Or how does he think she views the place? Basically, where is this story going? Towards his reconciling of past and present? I don’t think the past is fleshed out enough for him to reconcile just yet. There’s too much history left to explore! If you want to keep this a short piece, you’re going to have to cut out a lot and hone in on one or two scenes. If you’re going to keep writing and make this longer, I say go all out… There are so many names mentioned—I want to know about all of them.

Another point about the style and tone—you want to keep it similar to the first week’s, or you want to change the first week’s too. My personal preference is the first week’s style and tone—I loved it and it pulled me right in.

In any case, good luck with the rest of your endeavors. Here are my in-line comments: CNF-Week-5-Jefferson-Street-2A-Bob_Metry(2) – JP Comments